Understanding and Protecting Kids’ Mental Health in Divorce


When parents begin the divorce process, they often receive advice on how to talk to their children about the situation. However, what remains overlooked are the actual effects of divorce on children and the guidance needed to make the process as smooth as possible for them. This article explores the impact of divorce on children and offers insights into helping them cope with the emotional challenges they may face during this difficult time.

What Science Says About Children of Divorce

Negative life events, including divorce, can have lasting effects on a child’s physical and mental health. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) scores are used by healthcare professionals to assess how such experiences affect a person’s well-being. Studies have extensively investigated the effects of divorce on children, leading to a comprehensive understanding of its impacts.

Adjustment Problems

Parental divorce can cause stress that puts children at an increased risk of experiencing adjustment problems. These issues may manifest as a decline in academic performance, behavioral disruptions, or strained relationships with friends and family. However, it is essential to note that most adjustment problems are temporary, and the majority of children with divorced parents grow up to become well-adjusted adults.

Depression and Anxiety

Children of divorce are more likely to experience depression and anxiety throughout their lives. They may resort to substance use as a way to cope with the emotional pain caused by their parents’ divorce. Additionally, they may face challenges in forming stable relationships in adulthood, leading to risky behaviors and marital instability.

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Better Results with Amicable Divorce

An amicable divorce significantly reduces the negative impacts on children. Children who witness their parents handling the divorce process with cooperation and understanding tend to exhibit resilience throughout their lives. Actively engaging as parents, even after the divorce, helps children feel loved and secure, reshaping the idea of family rather than breaking it apart.

Factors Affecting Children’s Coping

Children with higher ACE scores before the divorce are at a greater risk of experiencing negative effects. For instance, children from low-income or high-conflict households find their parents’ separation more traumatic. Parental alienation or abandonment post-divorce can also have long-term effects as children associate relationship conflict with abandonment.

Seeking Help for Children Coping with Divorce

Parents who notice their children struggling to cope with divorce should consider seeking outside support. Here are some resources that can be beneficial:

School Counselor

If a child is struggling at school, a school counselor can provide a safe and supportive space to help them navigate the challenges. Counselors can also work as intermediaries between the child, parents, and teachers, while offering additional resources like tutoring or community support groups.

Peer Support Group

Peer support groups can be invaluable for children who feel isolated during the divorce process. Such groups offer an opportunity to build relationships with others who understand their experiences, reducing the risk of isolation and providing important behavioral support.

Mentorship Programs

Mentors can be beneficial for children who have withdrawn emotionally. They can help provide guidance and support during this difficult period. Various organizations offer mentoring opportunities, which can be recommended by the child’s school or pediatrician.

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Mental Health Therapy

For children struggling intensely with divorce, professional mental health support is crucial. Trained professionals can help children navigate their emotions and develop effective coping skills in a nonjudgmental environment.

Parental Involvement and Self-Care

Parents play a vital role in helping their children cope with divorce. By communicating openly, answering questions, and validating their children’s feelings, parents can provide much-needed support. However, parents must also take care of their own physical and mental health during the divorce process. Seeking therapy and participating in peer support groups can be beneficial for parents, enabling them to provide better support to their children.


Divorce can profoundly impact children, affecting their emotional and mental well-being. By understanding these effects and taking proactive measures to support children during this time, parents can help their children develop resilience and navigate through the challenges. Seeking outside help when necessary and maintaining open communication can make a significant difference in ensuring a smoother post-divorce transition for the entire family.


  1. Q: Are all children of divorced parents at risk of long-term negative impacts?
    • A: No, the majority of children with divorced parents become well-adjusted adults.
  2. Q: Can an amicable divorce make a difference for children?
    • A: Yes, witnessing an amicable divorce can result in increased resilience for children.
  3. Q: What should parents do if their child is struggling to cope with divorce?
    • A: Seek outside support from resources such as school counselors or mental health professionals.
  4. Q: How can parents help their children during the divorce process?
    • A: By communicating openly, answering questions, and validating their children’s feelings.
  5. Q: Can parents benefit from seeking support for themselves during the divorce?
    • A: Yes, parents’ self-care is crucial in providing better support to their children.
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