Signs Your Spouse Might be a Narcissist


Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and constantly defending yourself in your marriage? Do you feel controlled and diminished on a daily basis? Do you sometimes question what you’re feeling and even question your own sanity? If these feelings resonate with you, it’s essential to consider the possibility that your spouse may be a narcissist. While narcissistic traits are often portrayed in the media, most people don’t realize that they could be living with a narcissist.

Could My Spouse Be a Narcissist?

The term “narcissist” has become part of our common vocabulary, but an official diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is still relatively uncommon. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) sets out criteria for a clinical diagnosis of NPD, but a formal diagnosis is not necessary to recognize the toxic dynamics in a relationship. If you feel that life with your spouse feels “off,” they might be a narcissist or exhibit manipulative and controlling behaviors in a narcissistic way.

Signs of Narcissism in a Marriage

In a healthy marriage, trust and empathy are crucial components. However, in a marriage with a narcissist, these qualities are often lacking. Here are some red flags that spouses with narcissistic behaviors may display:

Lack of Empathy

Narcissists have no empathy for your feelings and may even make fun of you when you’re upset. They struggle to empathize with anyone, even those who are suffering.


Your spouse may feel superior to everyone, including you and your kids. They believe their needs and opinions are more important than yours and criticize various aspects of your life.

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Narcissists tend to isolate you from your friends, family, and hobbies, making you increasingly dependent on them. They may attempt to make you jealous or concerned about their whereabouts.


Due to their grandiosity, narcissists have a sense of entitlement and believe they deserve constant validation and the best of everything. They also try to make those around them feel small and insignificant.

Manipulation and Gaslighting

Narcissists often manipulate and gaslight their partners. They may question your reality and feelings, making you doubt yourself and your perceptions.

Why Does My Spouse Act This Way?

Initially, your spouse may have been loving and attentive, but over time, their behavior changed dramatically. True narcissism, as a complex mental disorder, is not entirely understood. It may be caused by genetics, environment, parenting, or a combination of these factors. Childhood experiences, such as growing up with emotional dysfunction or narcissistic parenting, can also contribute to the development of narcissistic traits.

Helping Yourself and Your Children

Being married to a narcissistic spouse can be distressing and isolating. While therapy can be beneficial if your spouse recognizes their harmful behavior and is committed to change, it may not always be possible. In such cases, it’s essential to take care of your own needs and establish strong boundaries.

Divorcing a Narcissistic Spouse

Many marriages with narcissistic spouses end in divorce. However, divorcing a narcissist can be challenging, as they thrive on conflict and may employ manipulation tactics. It’s crucial to prepare yourself with documentation and research, seeking calm and concise communication throughout the process.

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Living with a narcissistic spouse can be emotionally abusive and draining. It’s essential to recognize the signs of narcissism and protect yourself from their manipulative behavior. Remember, you are not crazy; you have been the victim of narcissistic abuse. Seek help and support if needed, and remember that you deserve a better life.


1. How do I know if my spouse is a narcissist?

Look for signs of lack of empathy, self-importance, isolation, entitlement, and manipulation in your spouse’s behavior.

2. Can narcissism be inherited?

While there’s no specific “narcissism gene,” some traits of narcissism may seem to be inherited.

3. Can therapy help if I’m married to a narcissist?

Therapy can be helpful if your spouse recognizes their behavior and is committed to change.

4. What should I do if I want to divorce a narcissistic spouse?

Prepare yourself with documentation and research, seek calm communication, and consider seeking professional assistance.

5. How can Hello Divorce help me?

Hello Divorce offers divorce plans, divorce coaching, mediation services, and informative resources to help those in abusive relationships navigate the divorce process successfully.

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