should you stay in touch with your ex spouses family

Should You Stay in Touch with Your Ex Spouse’s Family?

We all know the iconic line, “Can’t we still be friends?” While it may seem like a reasonable request, after a divorce, keeping in touch and staying friends with your in-laws can be tricky.


Families are complicated at the best of times. Add divorce to the mix, and any complications that already exist will be magnified. And while you may have had a wonderful relationship with your ex’s family when things were good, family dynamics have a way of shifting after divorce, whether you like it or not.

The Impact of Divorce on Extended Family

Divorce is a time of major redefinition. You’re redefining your own life, and your relationship with extended family is part of that. Family members, both yours and your ex’s, will take the news of your divorce differently depending on your relationship and their loyalties. No matter how friendly your divorce is, your relationship with your in-laws will probably change. It can be further complicated when children are involved.

Pros and Cons of Staying Connected to Your In-Laws After Divorce


  • Nurturing Existing Bonds: If you had a close and loving relationship with your in-laws, staying connected can provide emotional support and a sense of continuity.
  • Shared History: Your in-laws have been a part of your life for a significant period, and maintaining ties can keep cherished memories alive.


  • Emotional Challenges: Staying in touch can reopen emotional wounds, making it difficult for both parties to move forward.
  • Setting Boundaries: Maintaining a connection may require setting new boundaries to protect your own well-being.
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Navigating Relationships with Nieces and Nephews After Divorce

Divorce changes family dynamics even when the divorce isn’t yours. When your brother or sister divorces, maintaining a relationship with your nieces and nephews may get caught up in the prevailing animosities. Aunts and uncles tend to get overlooked when exes hammer out shared family time, and your relationship can end up as collateral damage.

Coping with In-Laws Who Are Unwilling to Move On

Your post-divorce life needs to reflect the future you want, not one that continues to live up to everyone else’s expectations. Unless it is ordered by the court to maintain contact with your in-laws for your kids, you don’t have to keep in touch with them, especially if it doesn’t support your well-being and ability to move forward.

Etiquette for Spending Time with Your In-Laws After Divorce

Divorce is challenging for everyone, even extended family. While you may want to maintain a warm relationship with your in-laws after your divorce, getting together with them will inevitably result in awkward moments. You can help smooth these encounters by remaining mindful of what you do and say while you’re together.

  • Be open and flexible, but maintain boundaries.
  • Be respectful of your ex in your comments to them.
  • Be patient and allow everyone emotional space in the beginning.
  • Prioritize your kids and view your in-laws through that lens.
  • Coordinate with your ex regarding family occasions and holidays.


Family is complicated, and divorce only amplifies that. Whether your in-laws have been difficult to deal with or closer to you than your own family, these relationships often shift after a divorce. There may be nothing you can do to prevent that. Be realistic, be open-minded, but most importantly, be true to yourself. Don’t let yourself be guilted into keeping a relationship you don’t want. Remember that this is your life, and making your in-laws happy at your own expense is not your job. You don’t have to maintain communication with these people if you don’t want to. That ship has sailed.

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  1. Should I stay connected to my in-laws after divorce if we had a good relationship during marriage?
    • While it can be tempting to maintain ties, consider how it may impact your emotional well-being and ability to move forward. Set boundaries if needed.
  2. What if my nieces and nephews are caught in the crossfire of the divorce?
    • Communicate with your sibling about your desire to remain in their lives and support their well-being during this challenging time.
  3. How do I deal with in-laws who don’t want to move on after the divorce?
    • Prioritize your own well-being, and be firm yet respectful in communicating your decision.
  4. Is it possible to have a cordial relationship with in-laws after divorce?
    • Yes, it is possible. Be mindful, patient, and prioritize the needs of your children to maintain a diplomatic connection.
  5. Where can I find resources to navigate post-divorce issues?
    • At Know law , we have a library of resources to help you navigate issues concerning your divorce before, during, and after.

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