How to Trust Again after a Messy Divorce or Break-up


Breaking up from a marriage can be a painful and messy ordeal, leaving behind emotional battle scars. After such a negative life change, it’s natural to wonder if a happy new beginning is even possible. Trust, a vital component of any relationship, is often deeply affected after a divorce. The fear of being betrayed again can make it challenging to open up to new love. In this article, we’ll explore why it’s hard to trust after divorce, how significant trust issues can be, and steps to rebuild trust and embrace new relationships.

Why is it so Hard to Trust After Divorce?

Your brain constantly assesses risks based on your experiences and learns from the world around you. In a romantic relationship, you take a significant chance on the other person treating you with honesty, respect, and love. However, when that trust is betrayed, your amygdala, the brain’s emotion center, triggers negative emotions, leading to fear and a strong desire to protect yourself by not trusting anyone.

Are my Trust Issues Significant?

Trust is essential for relationships to thrive, and without it, constant suspicion can weigh down a connection. Significant trust issues can manifest in various ways:

  1. Anticipating a betrayal without evidence.
  2. Assuming someone has betrayed you despite their past honesty.
  3. Avoiding commitment due to fear of being cheated on.
  4. Being suspicious of someone’s whereabouts or actions.
  5. Constantly fearing abandonment and smothering the other person.
  6. Holding grudges and isolating yourself to avoid getting hurt again.

Improving Communication in Your Relationships

Rebuilding trust is difficult after a betrayal. Effective communication plays a crucial role in understanding each other in a relationship. Honest and open communication helps set expectations and boundaries, increasing the likelihood of a healthy, meaningful connection. Taking others at their word and discussing your trust issues openly can foster empathy and mutual trust.

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Assessing New Relationships with a Clear Head

When starting a new relationship, past emotions can easily trigger distrust. To assess a new partner’s trustworthiness, consider the following:

  1. Honesty, even in difficult situations.
  2. Treating others with respect and dignity.
  3. Using integrity when making tough decisions.
  4. Openness in answering questions.
  5. Taking ownership of mistakes and following through on promises.

While being discerning is important, allowing logic to outweigh knee-jerk emotional reactions is essential to give new relationships a chance.

A Word about Control

In the aftermath of a betrayal, the need for control may arise as a coping mechanism. However, excessive control is detrimental to a relationship. Seeking professional help from a mental health therapist can provide tools to manage overarching fears and learn to trust again.


Recovering from the pain of divorce and rebuilding trust is not easy, but it is essential for future healthy relationships. By acknowledging and addressing trust issues, improving communication, and allowing yourself to open up to new love, you can embark on a journey of healing and personal growth.


1. Is it normal to have trust issues after a divorce? Yes, it’s common to have trust issues after experiencing a betrayal in a marriage.

2. Can trust be rebuilt after a divorce? Yes, with self-knowledge, patience, and effort, it is possible to rebuild trust over time.

3. How can therapy help with trust issues? Therapy provides a safe space to explore and address deep-seated trust issues, offering tools and support for emotional healing.

4. What if I fear being hurt again in a new relationship? It’s natural to fear getting hurt again, but taking emotional risks is essential for building meaningful connections.

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5. How can I start trusting myself again? Trusting yourself again involves self-compassion, forgiveness, and learning from past experiences to make better choices in the future.

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