How to Do Self-Care if You’re Not Into Self-Care


Self-care is an essential concept that is often misunderstood or underestimated. It goes beyond bubble baths and trendy workouts; instead, it involves attending to your basic needs and taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. In this article, we will explore the significance of self-care, its various aspects, and its relevance, especially during significant life transitions like divorce. Let’s delve into the world of self-care and discover its true essence.

What is Self-Care?

Self-care is not a luxury; it is a fundamental necessity. It encompasses taking care of your basic needs, such as adequate sleep, nutritious food, and staying hydrated. When dealing with challenging emotions like depression or grief, self-care can begin with these essentials. Additionally, self-care involves finding pleasure and fulfillment, tailored to individual preferences and needs.

According to somatic coach Jess DeVries, self-care varies for each person. It can include activities that make one’s mind, body, and spirit feel good. Finding the right self-care practices is crucial to promoting overall well-being and happiness.

Why Do Some People Struggle with Self-Care?

There are several reasons why some individuals resist the idea of self-care:

Seeing Self-Care as a Luxury

When facing scarcity or stress, people often dismiss self-care as an indulgence they cannot afford. However, this is when self-care is most crucial. The good news is that self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. Simple practices like spending time outdoors or engaging in a favorite hobby can make a significant difference.

Lack of Energy

Stress and emotional turmoil can lead to fatigue and a feeling of being overwhelmed. In such situations, starting with basic self-care, like ensuring adequate food and rest, is essential. Gradually, as energy levels improve, one can explore other self-care practices.

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Unlearning Prioritizing the Self

Many people were socialized to prioritize others’ needs over their own, neglecting their own well-being. Learning to listen to our bodies and being attuned to our desires is a crucial aspect of self-care.

Examples of Self-Care During Divorce

For Those Contemplating Divorce

Deciding to pursue a divorce can be daunting, and it’s essential to acknowledge and process the emotions that arise during this time. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals like coaches or therapists can be an act of self-care.

For Those Going Through Divorce

The divorce process can be overwhelming, leading to neglect of basic needs. During this time, self-care becomes even more critical. Simple acts like setting aside time for meals, taking a dance class, or spending time doing activities you enjoy can help you cope during this challenging period.

For the Newly Divorced

Adjusting to life post-divorce can be frightening. Self-care doesn’t have to be a solitary pursuit; it can involve seeking support from your community. Delegating social planning to a friend or joining regular social gatherings can be nurturing and fulfilling.

What Self-Care Is Not

Self-care is not about engaging in short-term coping mechanisms that might provide temporary relief but harm long-term well-being. Activities like excessive drinking or other harmful behaviors do not constitute self-care.

The Benefits of Self-Care

Practicing self-care can have immediate positive effects on mood and well-being. It becomes easier to navigate life’s challenges when you prioritize your well-being. Over time, self-care becomes a habit, reinforcing positive changes in behavior and outlook.

Consequences of Avoiding Self-Care

Neglecting self-care, even in the most basic aspects, can lead to severe consequences. Failure to prioritize one’s well-being, such as not taking necessary medications or neglecting proper rest, can have detrimental effects on physical and mental health.

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How to Embrace Self-Care

Setting Realistic Goals

During significant life transitions like divorce, setting realistic self-care goals is crucial. Start with small, achievable tasks and celebrate every success along the way.

Holding Yourself Accountable

Forming new habits requires patience and compassion for oneself. Utilize methods like tracking apps, journaling, or involving friends in your journey to help you stay motivated and accountable.


Self-care is not a luxury; it is a necessity for a healthy and fulfilling life. Prioritizing your well-being during challenging times, such as divorce, can be transformative. Embrace self-care in all its forms and recognize its significance in enhancing your overall happiness and resilience.


1. Is self-care only about personal pampering?

No, self-care encompasses taking care of your basic needs and finding pleasure in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.

2. Can self-care help during divorce?

Yes, self-care is especially crucial during divorce, as it helps manage emotions and promotes well-being during a challenging time.

3. Can self-care be different for different people?

Absolutely! Self-care is unique to each individual and should be tailored to personal preferences and needs.

4. Why is self-care often overlooked?

People may overlook self-care due to societal norms, perceived lack of time or resources, and conditioning to prioritize others over themselves.

5. How does self-care impact overall well-being?

Practicing self-care can significantly improve mood, increase resilience, and foster healthier relationships with oneself and others.

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